This is Life

I slept for 8 full hours last night (thanks melatonin and ambien) for the first time in a week. I feel so much calmer this morning than I have in days. I’ll also bike for an hour later and then take a long hot epsom salt bath. I haven’t been able to do either of those things all week either. Soon, I’ll be less manic and anxious and OCD and I’ll be back to myself. I’ll eat well again. I lost five lbs this week in an unhealthy way. I’ll be able to focus well enough to read a book again. I won’t have to pace for hours to try to calm my mind and organize my thoughts. And this is what people DON’T SEE when they put some Autistic people on charts and imply that they are not “really” Autistic. No matter how charismatic I can be, how eloquently I can type and sometimes speak, no matter how Neurotypical I can seem… never forget that it is taking it’s toll. What was going on that caused all this you ask? Life. This is life. Luckily, I also have learned to fully embrace and enjoy and revel in the many happy moments because I know another wave of challenge is always on the horizon and I don’t want to waste them. 

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